Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
