You tried to poop in the sink last night.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
you're hired as official boob wrangler
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
