Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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