well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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