My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
