True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
