what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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