They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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