i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
