the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
i drank out of a bidet.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
is that a dick in a sweater?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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