Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
