Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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