he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Never let your siblings swipe right.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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