I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Is it because I queefed?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
