she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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