i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
