I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
