I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
My balls are so social today.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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