Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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