TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
