some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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