dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
