Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
