I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
