I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Tornado booty call.. dedication
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
