Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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