remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
