We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
