She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
