I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
