Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
