Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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