There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
