Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
i think my cat just said my name.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
