You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
