I hope mine doesn't look like that
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
