I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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