i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
