I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
