Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
