Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
