Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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