Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
