i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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