take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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