Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
