so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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