i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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