how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
