I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
