just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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