I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
