I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
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