would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
