That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
