i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I supernannyed him into submission
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
